The Most Important Thing

As the journey toward authentic self remains, this morning I had a thought.  I was so pleased at it's profundity and amused at it's clever nature, I posted it to Facebook.

It's a new day.  Remember not to leave yourself at home.

I know.  I amaze even myself sometimes.  No doubt the Pulitzer people will be calling soon.

But until my time is filled with awards, sycophants, book tours, and dubious flirtations with the soul-destroying light of fame, I have my blog :)

And, hopefully, dear reader, I'll always have you.

I digress.  

I've remained tossed to and fro on the stormy, emotional seas of life since the Crash of Jason circa 2010.  I'm closer and farther than ever to finding again, but maybe for the first time, my authentic self.  I can see him on occasion.

It's like catching sight of an old friend in a crowd.  You smile really big at each other, but just as you open your mouths to say hello, the ever moving flotsam of fellow travelers whisks your friend beyond your field of vision.

You make a mental note to reach out to them again, perhaps via e-mail, Facebook, or text -- a note you may or may not remember later as your own journey once again swallows you whole.

It's all-consuming, isn't it?

I've been trying desperately to both find and cling to my authentic self, as it's during the times when I've found him that I feel true peace and contentment.

Then a maelstrom of  thoughts and emotions roil through my mind, such things as

Are you addicted to feelings of peace and contentment, you pathetic addict?

Are you an addict?  Am I?

Damn Jason, your internal monologue is quite negative.  You should fix that.

Says you.

You understand.  Don't pretend you don't.

Yet, I do think happiness, beyond feeling, well, happy, is something good, something to perhaps look for and aspire to living every day.  If you feel happy and at your best, not only will the physiological effects bolster you, but the emotional and spiritual effects will put you in a position to really do some good, be it at work, in your relationships, or in your personal life.

Though I think balance would be even more important in that pursuit.

So, about this morning's clever epiphany...

Mornings are difficult for me.  I'd prefer to spend them sleeping, and if I have to be up, I prefer to spend them in quiet reflection, maybe doing some reading or enjoying the sunrise.  When I have to get up, be it for work or some other have to activity, it's a bit more difficult.  I sleep as long as possible, then I'm up in a whirl, showering, prepping for the day, and stealing myself psychologically and emotionally.

One day, I'll write about all the weird, metaphysical shit I've heard about what's actually happening in the morning, but today is not that day.

I had my clever epiphany, then I imagined that my true "self" was some kind of precious object that I was carrying around in a box.  The kind of box I imagined was kind of like a classic birthday gift box -- roughly squarish but sorta rectangular, requiring both hands to properly carry, adorned in bright colors with a thick, bright bow.  

Your mileage may vary.  And may say quite a bit about you.  But I'm no psychotherapist.  You cardboard box toting granola.

See, I tend to think of my "self" as a conglomeration of my body (all the physiological processes that carry out the ineffable human experience), my mind (which thinks, judges, and gives logical advice), my heart or gut (which feels, intuits, and generally makes my life either a living hell or blissful nirvana), and my soul (the underpaid liaison between my head and my heart).  

But for the purpose of this illustration, my true, authentic "self", the one thing that was truly unique, precious, and most important of the expression that is currently Jason Arlie, was this precious thing I had in the birthday box. 

And I knew that as long as I carried that box with me wherever I went today, I would be okay.  I would feel okay.  I would be at peace, feel balanced, and life would be good.

I could keep it safe, but not be selfish with it.  I could share it, but not squander it.  When necessary, I could keep it in the box and out of sight, but I could also open the box and let it shine.

I'm not sure about ownership.  It is me, but it isn't me.  It belongs to me, but it belongs to everybody.  The ineffable, universal One.  We are One, but We are not the Same.

It worked, by the way.

So, to come full circle, remember the next time you wake up that you have your precious awesomeness in a box of your choosing.  Hold it close to you -- keep it secret, keep it safe! -- protect it, but remember to share it, let it shine.  Listen to it, nourish and nurture it, and it will do wonders for you.  As well as, perhaps, bring a bit of light and precious healing to others.

You should never leave home without it.