Can you tell me that everything is cool, that it's gonna be okay? Because, to tell ya the truth, I'm just not sure anymore.
I'm gonna be thirty in a few weeks, and my life - what it was, what I thought it would be - completely fell apart in my 20's. I'm having to rebuild in a big way, but I feel so completely behind now that I am completely overwhelmed.
I've recently realized what a big role I played in the destruction of my life, which may sound kinda silly. But I did, and I'm not a big fan of myself as a result.
And I'm not a big fan of not being a big fan of myself. I wanna stop that, but I don't know how. I'm in survival mode - doing what I have to do versus what I want to do. But I'm not even sure of what I want anymore, or if that even matters.
But I do want to be happy. More, I want to be at peace. With myself, with my life, with you, and everybody else.
What do you think?
One man's journey through life with fibromyalgia. There will be tears, there will be laughter, but hopefully, among us all, there will be strength, hope, and inspiration.
Thirty isn't that big of a deal, sweets, and it's a good point to start over from. What you've gained in these first three decades of life have only been warm-ups for when you choose to make your own jumping off point- however many false starts it takes or plan changes, cast changes, etc. You can do it. Don't plan too hard. Don't set high expectations: just focus on a point and go. Make it happen.
ReplyDeletePlan changes, cast changes... I like it.
ReplyDeleteYou speak wisdom, and from experience. Perhaps the best of teachers, if not one of the most difficult.
I feel that this struggle is part of the journey. I catch glimpses of my true self along the way, someone I used to know intimately. Today, I've found myself again and I feel incredible. I try to remember the texture of what I feel like, internalize the nuances, but also keep my hands open, rather than clenched tight.
Thank you, Kitty :)